If i come over, it means nothing
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
