Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
