I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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