the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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