Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
