I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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