No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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