Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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