i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
