Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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