I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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