his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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