There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
