I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
