I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
