Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
