so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
