Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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