Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
