Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
