Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
