If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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