i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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