Your dad touched me again.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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