how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my being single is dangerous.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
