Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
