I'm eating all of the evidence.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
