I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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