Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
