Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
