Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
