Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do herpes really smell.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
