i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
