so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
