His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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