Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
