You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
