So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
