where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
