Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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