His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
