I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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