One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
don't judge my taste in strippers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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