In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
