Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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