I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
