I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
