Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
