So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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