I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
