And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
