it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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