I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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