About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
