He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
