Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
